The issue of a warrior's heart
by MissHerby
Summary: More about the relationship between Balkan and Vinara. Starting at the end of 'The Novice'. V/B  I do not own any of it, except my own character creations. Once again thanks to my Beta, Laura Scofield! :
1. Chapter 1

It was the evening after the duel between Sonea and Regin. Just like every evening the magicians gathered in the Night Room, to discuss, gossip and talk with each other. Balkan sat in his usual seat next to Lord Sarrin, and whilst those around him were talking about the duel he let his thoughts travel back to the afternoon. Like everybody else he had been anxious to see how the girl had progressed in the field of magic since she attended university and he couldn't deny that he was impressed with the result of the duel. He had expected that she must have some very good natural skills, as she had been able to release her powers by herself during that memorable Purge. But he certainly hadn't expected her to be that talented. _She could become a very good warrior with those skills, _he mused _but she seemed a little reluctant..._

He turned to look at his fellow Higher Magicians, Lord Sarrin and Lady Vinara. _I wonder what they're thinking about the girl's performance. _As if reading his thoughts, Sarrin voiced his opinion.

"Very impressive. I wonder how strong she can become when her powers are fully schooled and developed."

Vinara nodded in agreement. "Now we definitely know why she was able to break Lord Fergun's shield, and that it was the right choice to accept her to the Guild. She's got extraordinary powers and might become a fine addition to us."

"She'd be a great warrior," Balkan exclaimed. The other two looked at him. "But I don't know, I got the impression she doesn't enjoy fighting that much, therefore I don't expect her to choose this discipline."

The head of the Healers smiled. "Well, I can understand that she doesn't enjoy that discipline too much." Balkan grinned at her. He knew, though she wasn't bad at fighting, Vinara never enjoyed it herself. Though he didn't know exactly why he guessed it was because as a Healer she knew very well what fighting could cause, he himself had once been brought to the Healers Quarters after a lesson in fighting, during which he had been severely injured. The Healer back then obviously seemed to like fighting as much as Vinara seems to. _I wonder if I got injured today, would she be my Healer? She's an extraordinary Healer...as well as an extraordinary wo-_

"Lord Balkan, are you all right?" The object of his thoughts had bent forwards and watched him closely. Balkan's eyes widened. _I've been staring. _A blush crept onto his cheeks. "Um, yes, I'm fine."

Sarrin chuckled. The younger man shot him a look and saw that the older magician was eyeing him in with an amused smile. But he could see more in his expression. _He knows..._

"Well then the two of you. Duty calls, I have to get back to work." The head of the Alchemists rose and made his way to the exit.

Vinara smiled at him and bid him good-night, Balkan following suit. Again her eyes focused on Balkan, she stood up from her seat and sat down in Sarrin's, so she was right next to the warrior.

"Are you sure you're all right?" She repeated her question. This time the answer came out more secure. Vinara nodded, "Fine. But let me reassure you, if there is ever something you need to talk about, I'm here to listen. And, of course, anything you tell me will be treated discreetly."

"I know, thank you my lady", Balkan answered and felt himself again blushing. _If she only knew...perhaps I should talk to her, even if she rejected me, she wouldn't hurt me and I might get over it. Yes, old boy, tell her. Be the brave warrior you are!_

"Actually there is something you could help me with.", he added.

"Yes?"

"Yes and it is a rather private issue, so perhaps we shouldn't talk about it..."

"Lord Balkan!" The voice of Lord Garrel made him pause. The other warrior was standing before him, bowed his head slightly and looked at him expectantly. Balkan sighed. "What is it? Lady Vinara and I were discussing something!"

"I know my lord, my lady, and I'm really sorry, but it is rather important." He glanced at Vinara in an uneasy way. The Healer chuckled and stood up.

"Perhaps it's time for me to retire as well, this will also give you the chance to discuss this important issue with Lord Garrel", she said with an amused expression. Then she directed Balkan once more, "If you wish to finish our discussion, don't hesitate to come to me! Good-night, my lords." With one last nod she was gone.

Balkan sighed annoyed. "I hope this is really of importance, Lord Garrel!"

Vinara made her way to the Healer Quarters. It was still early in the evening, so she decided to check on the patients and Healers on duty once more.

When she entered the sick wing of the Quarters, she recognized Lady Lyra standing a few metres away in front of an open cabinet. Vinara frowned and went to her.

"Good-evening, Lady Lyra," she greeted the younger woman. "Are you looking for something specific?"

"Lady Vinara! I didn't know you were on duty tonight!" exclaimed the other Healer and bowed her head slightly to show her respect to her Head.

"That's because I'm not on duty at all. I have just retired from the Night Room and decided to check on you all, before heading to my rooms. So, is there anything I can help you with?" She asked indicating to the cabinet.

Lyra furrowed her brows in concentration. "Actually, I was about to get more of the Myk-juice, for Lord Lean. But it looks like the supplies of it are empty."

Vinara raised her brows. "Empty? Are you sure? I thought we refilled them just yesterday." Now she too, searched the cabinet for the said medicine. _This is impossible. _Lord Lean had come back two days before, from a journey to Lonmar. Obviously he had fallen ill or perhaps the heat hadn't become him, because he was suffering from a brain disease, which was treated with Myk.

"You are right. But how could this happen?"

"I don't know my lady."

"Do you know who else had access to this cabinet today?"

"Well, all the Healers, who were in charge today...Lord Telon, Lady Elwa, Lord Arvon and I." Lyra paused, "But surely you don't think that one of us took the supplies?"

Shaking her head, Vinara reassured the younger woman. "No. I trust you all. Still I'll talk to each of you, I suspect somebody else is the culprit. Have you left cabinet open for a short while or allowed somebody else to take something from it?" She asked in a stern yet friendly tone.

"No. I lock it every time!"

Vinara nodded. "All right, Lyra. Please inform our brewers that we need a new stock of Myk-juice. Meanwhile I allow you to go into my office and take some of it from my personal medicine supplies."

Lyra thanked her, and hurried away.

_I wonder who it is, that steals our supplies. _Myk-juice was a psychatric-drug, which could leave those who had to take it addicted. That was the reason, why they kept it locked away from free access and only Healers in charge, were allowed to use it on a patient. _Perhaps a former patient who had to take it, got addicted, even though we healed him after his treatment. _She tried to think of all the patients who had been treated with Myk-juice. _Who could it be? Tomorrow I'll ask the others. We will find him. Or her, _she added in her mind.

This reminded her of something else, or someone else. _When talking about warriors, Balkan always refers to males. Even though there are some females among them._ She smiled as she remembered an occasion, at which she pointed that fact out to him. "When there is a time in which more women than men are warriors, I will start referring to them as females!"

Though she had been annoyed, because of the male chauvinism of the Guild, she had to admit that he had a point. _Anyway it's not like Balkan is a sexist. On the contrary! He's a noble man, who doesn't differentiate between male or female. That's quite rare amongst men, especially amongst our warriors. I'm glad he's their Head, couldn't imagine working with one of the others. _

_I remember his predecessor – he WAS a sexist! We had a lot of fights and discussions. But I really can't complain about Balkan._ As if agreeing with someone, Vinara nodded to herself. Whilst thinking about the Head of the Warriors she had made her way through the sick-yard and was now continuing to her own rooms.

_But then again, there are also plenty of other magicians, who at least stopped discriminating women openly. Lorlen for example, he treated everyone the same – of course you trained him as a Healer! _She added smugly. _Still, Balkan is different...he's not only intelligent and tolerant etc. but also very...impressive? - Yes, that suit him, impressive! And handsome, of course...Oh this well trained figure of his, I wonder what he looks like without those robes..._

Vinara stopped in surprise, then scowled at herself. _Stop thinking such things! _It wasn't the first time she had such thoughts. Actually they crept into her mind quite often lately and each time she scolded herself for thinking such things. Balkan was a decade younger than her, it wouldn't be appropriate to have such thoughts about him!

She had finally reached her rooms and entered them. Inside, she conjured a dimmed light and focused her mind on getting ready for bed.

Soon, one could see from the outside how the light in her bedroom window went out.


	2. Chapter 2

She woke up in the middle of the night, startled by a knock on her entrance door. Although she felt very sleepy, as she had just been in the middle of a dream, Vinara immediately stood up and once more conjured a dim light. _An emergency? I hope it's not terrible! _In a hurry she went into her living room to answer the door.

Expecting one of her fellow Healers to get her, she sent some healing magic into her body to chase away the last bit of sleepiness. In the case of an emergency she needed to be able to focus entirely on the case at hand.

But to her surprise it wasn't a Healer, who stood with a troubled face in front of her door. No, the person wore red robes and was about a head taller than her. Vinara's eyes widened, "Balkan?" She asked in a surprised and also concerned voice.

_What does he want at this hour? _Her mind raced through all possibilities of why the Head of the Warriors stood in front of her quarters, with such a look on his face.

She looked up into his face in the hope to read something in his eyes. Something that would tell her to be scared, alarmed or anything else. Instead his gaze made her hold her breath _there it is again, this intense stare. _At the same moment she felt aware of the fact how mysterious his tall figure looked in the dimmed light, with his face half hidden in the shadow. _Mysterious indeed. And also _tantalising.

Vinara swallowed, though unaware of doing so.

Balkan's eyes were watching her face all the time. He didn't know why he came to her. _All right, I _do_ know, but I don't know what to do now. _

After getting finally rid of Lord Garrel, he had left the Night Room as well. Still thinking about Vinara, he didn't find himself to be able to deal with any of his duties, therefore he decided to go to the Baths, and try to free his mind from any thoughts.

Unfortunately the hot steam didn't help at all. His thoughts were still with the Healer. In his Quarters he had been pacing around, unable to sleep. At last he made up his mind, he knew what to do but lacked of the knowledge how to. _Come on Balkan, you weren't elected Head of the Warriors, because of your lack of anything. Be daring and go to her! Anyway she told you to come to her whenever you felt the need to do so. _He reminded himself. The fact that it had already been past midnight at that moment was totally ignored.

Now he stood in front of her, once again lost in his thoughts, which were unable to find a way to approach his issue. He recognized her looking at him, first in a surprised and then for him indefinable way. For a moment he actually thought that he saw something like...attraction in her eyes but he instantly dismissed this thought. _You're just imagining this because you wish that was the way she's looking at you! Now go on say something, she's probably thinking something happened._

"Good evening, Lady Vinara," he finally said.

Vinara just continued to stare at him.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. It's just that I...you, erm..." G_reat, you're making a complete fool of yourself!_

Now Vinara came into motion again. "Yes? Did something happen, anyone need my help?" She asked instantly falling into her Healer mode.

Balkan shook his head. "No! No. Everyone's fine-"

"Well then, why have you come to me at this hour?"

"Um. I...do- I'm sorry. Earlier you said I'd be welcome to come to you if I needed someone to talk," he paused, but didn't dare to glance at her. "I should have thought that you meant me to come at a more appropriate hour." _You fool._

"Well, yes. I actually did," was the reply.

Still not looking at her, he nodded and said hastily. "I should better go and leave you to rest. Once again I'm terribly sorry, My d-lady!"

Balkan turned on his heels and headed for the direction of the exit, only to be stopped by Vinara's voice.

"Lord Balkan! Wait!" She called after him. He turned around and went back to her. "Now, that you're already here and that I'm awake anyway." She said gesturing to her rooms.

Confused Balkan looked at her, "Yes?"

"Well, come in!" came the annoyed reply.

He moved past her into her living room, whilst she chuckled and closed the door. "May I offer you something to drink?"

"No, thanks."

"Fine." She sat down in one of her armchairs and indicated to him, to do the same. The warrior chose the sofa, then allowed himself to take a look at the room.

Vinara let him do so for a while, then she said, "This issue of yours must be very troubling."

He looked at her and raised his eyebrows, "What makes you think that?"

"Oh, simply the way you act lately. Of course not all the time, but in certain moments. You seem to be oddly confused sometimes even shy, something unusual for a warrior of your calibre," she explained with a slightly amused smile.

Balkan nodding to indicate he understood, then shrugged. "Yes, actually this issue's been bothering me for quite a while now."

Changing her expression from amused in serious she nodded as well. "Then tell me what is bothering you. Perhaps I can help you, but sometimes it already helps to talk."

He knew this was the moment, now or never. Taking a deep breath he opened his mouth, "I-" _I love you! _His mind screamed. "I don't know how to say it," was what he said instead. _Coward!_

_Another unusual thing about him. Poor Balkan. _Vinara said nothing just tried to relax to give him a comfortable feeling of his surroundings, hoping that would make it easier for him to talk.

She watched for a few minutes. The wrinkles on his forehead, _he always gets them when his mind is working hard on something. _An inaudible sigh escaped her lips. _You're so handsome Balkan...if I were only a few years younger. But I guess, someone like you would be better off with a more presentable woman. - Oh, stop it Vinara! He's here because he needs your help, save your thoughts for another time!_

Just as she scolded herself, Balkan stood up. Startled she thought he intended to leave, but was proved otherwise when he started pacing around her living room. Once or twice he paused and was about to speak. But each time he stopped when he looked at her, shook his head and continued pacing.

She let him do so for a while. Hoping that at some point he would find himself able to express his thoughts. Then, it seemed after hours, she stood as well and walked towards him. Balkan stopped when he saw her approaching him. Both stopped one foot apart from each other, she smiled up at him encouragingly, "Why don't you just say, hm? Don't try to think about how to do it appropriately, We are, _friends_." Just_ friends.. ._

Once more he took a deep breath. "Yes, friends." _There you said something, now continue from there! _He encouraged himself.

"Actually my feelings about a certain, friend, is what is bothering me.", he didn't see, how Vinara's face seemed to fall for a second as he said that. _Love is it what is bothering him. He's in love, with a woman..._another_ woman. _She swallowed and prepared herself for what was to come next.

"I've known her for quite a while, though those feelings developed only two years ago. She's clever, kind and simply gorgeous," he said in an adoring voice. Vinara swallowed again, this time because she felt tears welling up inside her.

"Well, that's nice, isn't it?" she replied in a remarkably calm voice. Balkan nodded in agreement, gazing at her again in that intense look, which made her feel strange. _Focus on his issue, he's here because he needs your help!_

"Tell me more about her!" she demanded.

"She's a Healer. An extraordinary genius on her field, if I may say so."

This time she had to frown. _So, she's one of my Healers? At least someone who could take care of him._

A soft chuckle stopped her thoughts. "What's so funny?" Vinara asked in a confused tone.

Balkan shook his head. "You know her, you know."

Her eyebrows rose questioningly.

Now he nodded. "After all, how many _extraordinary_ Healers do you know in this place?" he asked.

"There are plenty," she retorted.

The warrior sighed. "Of course, but not all of them are that outstanding, that they were elected to become one of the Higher Magicians. And before you even try to think about it, I'm not talking about Lord Telon!"

Vinara started to blush furiously. _He isn't talking about - _

"You, Vinara. I'm talking about you," he said in a soft voice.

"Me?" she whispered. He nodded in reply. She swallowed. All kind of different thoughts were whirling around in her mind. _He can't be serious, can he? - He's joking! No, Balkan isn't the sort of man who plays funny tricks on others. _

A warm hand touched her cheek, she raised her head and stared into his dark, yet at the moment soft eyes. "I think, I have fallen in love with you."

_There, I said it, _he thought. Expectantly he watched her and to his surprise her eyes filled with tears. Instantly he pulled his hand away. "Did I hurt you?" he asked bewildered.

"No," she assured him, then she made the strangest sound he ever heard from a human being, a mixture between a sob and laughter.

Brows furrowed, he interrogated, "Then why are you crying?"

She smiled up at him. "Oh Balkan. It's been a while since I imagined you saying something like that until I found myself actually longing for it. And now you said them! Can you imagine how I feel now? I'm really really happy! Although at the same time, I wonder if this is real? Why would you say something to someone like me? I'm an older woman -"

"If that's the case, stop wondering and allow me to kiss you instead to prove that this _is_ real!" he interrupted her.

Instead of answering, Vinara took a step forward, so that their bodies were pressed against each other and pulled his head down to her, until their lips met for a first soft kiss.


End file.
